Love thy neighbor, even if they are gay.

Recently, my friend Joe posed a question on his blog "Why are there so many gays who are ex-Catholics?"

Below, I have pasted my response.

 I would have to agree. I grew up in a very Catholic home, yet anything "gay" was never really talked about. There was a guy at my school (a Catholic 1-12), several years ahead of me, that came out after he graduated. People in our circle, not just at home, didn't seem to talk to, or about him after that. It wasn't until after I was married and became friends with a couple of gay men, that I realized how lacking my life had been on the topic. These were nice people, generally good people. I liked them. I almost felt guilty within my extended family for being friends with them, because I thought Catholics didn't do that. I started looking into what the Church teaches about homosexuality, and what science says about it, and how society treats it. 

What I found was that the Church wants us to love our neighbors, gay or straight, as ourselves. Period. I understand the reasons, according to nature and our physiology, why the Church condemns homosexual intercourse; it just isn't how God designed us. We cannot reach our full biological function within those parameters. 

Science taught me that, at least with men, there is a specific point in fetal development where a lack of sufficient testosterone has been shown to be the cause of their homosexuality. It would not be totally unreasonable to argue that, in the case of women, the cause could be linked to too much testosterone. Although, it seems to me that some women have "become gay" after a traumatic experience with a man. I have two female cousins, one from either side of my family, who are gay and who were abused by men very close to them, as children. It seems to me to be a sort of self-preservation, as opposed to something that has always been there. These are the women who tend to still be somewhat "girlie", while their sisters who are "birthers" tend to be more butch; which would go along with the theory of too much testosterone during fetal development. 

What I saw in society made me very, very sad. Because so many of us within the faith would rather just sweep gays under the rug instead of accepting them with loving arms, those gays who need our love the most turn to anyone and anything that will give them some semblance of acceptance. When they do finally find a niche, they often become angry and belligerent, lashing out at the world in any way they can. Just look at most of the people who attend the Gay Pride parade in San Francisco. They do anything they can do to get attention; strange dress, no dress, lewd behavior in public, anything goes. It is just like the child whose parents ignore him, so he misbehaves in order to get their attention. Unfortunately, these very visible souls, who are crying out for true love and affection, cast a shadow over the majority of their peers, who just want to live a quiet life. It is near impossible to get people to see that most gays are nice, quiet, people when that is all we see. 

I think things are getting better for gays, from a secular standpoint, at least. While many have tried to turn Prop 8 into a civil rights issue, which I personally disagree that that is what it is, there have been many problems that I would classify as civil rights issues, that have been addressed; such as employment and housing discrimination, and domestic partnership benefits. I know that I may be scorned for being in favor of those benefits, but since I know that not everyone holds to my religious beliefs and moral standards, I see it as no different than heterosexual couples who cohabitate. If a man and a woman can live together and get the same legal benefits as a married couple, homosexual couples should also be allowed those rights. There was a story a few years ago about a man in Sonoma who had been with his partner for 50 years, and when his partner died, all he had to show for it was a photo album, because the partner's family swooped in and claimed family rights to his estate, and excluded him from everything. This made me so angry and sad, that they could show so little respect for this person. Then there are the many cases of domestic partners not having the right to make medical decisions for each other. There have been so many cases where one partner is in critical condition and doctors need the family's consent to do a procedure, but refuses to accept consent from the one person who probably knows best what the patient's wishes would be. A lot of times there isn't even anyone else to ask, because their families have ostracized them and they are not in contact. 

I know I have been rattling on here; I guess your question struck a nerve. I should probably post this as an entry on my own blog, that has been getting ignored by me.


This is me, doing what I said I should do. This is a topic that has become near and dear to my heart. It really bothers me how so many Christians forget that Jesus didn't say "Love your neighbors, unless they are gay"; He said for us to love each other as ourselves. Period. Today is Valentine's Day, and we are inundated with a commercial form of "love". Let us stop and reflect upon what real love is, and where it comes from.

Valentine's Day

St. Valentine's Day

In our house, Valentine's Day is every day. Really, we just use it as an excuse to buy chocolate, but it is a mutually beneficial excuse. We both love chocolate, but during the year, we generally don't spring for "the good stuff", since it isn't in our budget. V-Day is when we splurge and go to See's, to pick out specific sweets to savor. We always pick out something for the kids, too, because we want them to grow up knowing that the love between parents and children is just as important as love between their mom and dad. The best way to honor St. Valentine, is to show our children what a healthy, Christian marriage is about.

Why I love baseball

 

I didn't always love baseball. In fact, I hated it growing up. Colorado didn't have a major league team at the time, but they would still show a lot of games on TV. (Knowing now that Denver was host to a farm team for the Chicago Cubs, I assume they were Cubs' games.) This annoyed me, because it interfered with other TV shows that I wanted to watch. "What? Baseball is on again?!?" Eventually, I grew to not hate it, and even went to a game or two.

When my family moved to California just before my junior year of high school, my younger brothers had opportunity to play on local kids' league teams; specifically the Babe Ruth/Cal Ripken League. Watching them play, I started to understand the game and I realized that it was actually a lot of fun to go to the games and I loved cheering them on. The following Spring, Colorado finally got a MLB team, the Colorado Rockies. Being from there, there was an automatic thread of loyalty, though not really much fanaticism. 

Fast forward a few years and I am married, mother of two children, and struggling with a rather severe postpartum depression. My pregnancy with Tommy was not an easy one and after I was induced early, I ended up back in the hospital because the pre-eclampsia did not clear up as it should have. We had just moved, I had no local friends that were "my" friends, only "the guys" that Mike grew up with. (Don't get me wrong, "the guys" are all very dear to me now, but not having any local girl friends was a difficult thing to deal with.) I wasn't working that year, so I didn't even have papers to grade to keep me busy.

What was there to do at night, since my husband left for work in the evenings?  I decided to watch baseball. Since Mike and his family had always been Giants' fans, I had already been exposed to local baseball, and since it was on nearly every day, it gave me something to look forward to nearly every day. Not much later, I met Dawn, who lived across the condo courtyard from us. She was also a baseball fan, and we often watched the games either together in person or while on the phone. Two voids in my life were suddenly filled: I had something non-motherhood-related to be passionate about and I had a friend who became like a sister to me. Both of these things became vital to my mental health, and both are still cherished by me. 

A little over eight years ago, Dawn passed away very unexpectedly. She gave me strength while she lived and I am sure she still watches over me, for if I had lost someone so dear to me while still in the state I had been in before we met, I don't know that I would have pulled through; at least not very well.  I have made my own girlfriends since that dark time nearly 14 years ago, but none will ever be able to fill her shoes.

What I still have, though, is baseball. I consider the Giants to be my friends, though they don't know me as an individual. Kruk and Kuip are, in my opinion, the best baseball commentators around. They make watching the game on TV so much fun that I sorely miss them on the rare occasions that I get to go to AT&T Park to watch a game. Jon Miller and Dave Flemming are just as fabulous via the radio broadcast. I can't forget JT Snow, who sometimes fills in for the others. He was my first baseball crush. In October 2010, I stated that I wanted a Giants World Series Champions t-shirt for my birthday the following month. The team obligingly made that possible. Many called their win a fluke, but I don't care if it was. It made me happy. 

Lately, I have had to get creative in order to watch or listen to the games. For some reason, we no longer have any AM radio reception at our house, and we decided to cut our cable in order to save a little money each month. We tried ordering a MLB package via the internet, but our local teams are not available. Still, however we work it out, even if it is just watching the game updates on internet, following the Giants is a passion that I have no intention of letting go. They helped me heal, and are therefore a part of me.